Mel Needs Help: July 2011

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Friday, July 29, 2011

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Dumb Things I Tell Myself

Luke Ford writes: I went through feelings of frustration, anger and despair today/this week/year/decade as I struggle to belatedly take care of things I should’ve tackled decades ago. Much of this work (psycho-therapy, Alexander Technique, addressing my sleep problems, financial issues) is not immediately rewarding.

Most of the things I’ve been battling of late are not getting solved. The turbinate reduction surgery I had a few months ago? Well, the problem I had breathing through my nose while lying down has returned full force.

I’ve ordered a CPAP but my doctor won’t give me a prescription until I undergo more testing.

I was just so frustrated, angry and helpless this afternoon as I ran into these technical recording problems and I knew it wasn’t the technical problems that enraged me but rather my life position. I feel like I am running in circles and getting no closer to leaving my hole. I would’ve wailed and cried if that had done any good, but instead I did ten minutes of active rest and labored on.

Then I took a break after a few hours and wrote in my journal. I find it calming to write out my thoughts and fears. I get to see my self-talk and how silly much of it is. Then I write out things I am grateful for and this makes me happy.

She Just Wants To Be Friends

Luke Ford writes: The “Let’s just be friends” announcement is a putdown. She’s saying she has no romantic or sexual interest in you. That’s fine if she has no such interest, but why do I have to listen to her announce it to me like Martin Luther nailing his 99 theses to the wall?

I’ve never told a girl early on, “I just want to be clear, I’m never going to lend you money or give you a ride to the hospital or be there for you just before you menstruate and your other friends are sick of your whining.”

I’d never dream of making such an announcement because I am an old-fashioned Victorian gentleman. I believe too deeply in preserving people’s dignity.

It usually strikes me dumb when a woman makes this little speech to me. I usually just assent because I’m passive by nature but then I feel one-down. I’ve allowed her to put me below her.

I need to change things up. I think I’ll go with, “I’m not going to put definitions on what we might be to each other. You brought this up. I didn’t ask you out on a date or lean in to you for a kiss. So you’re making this pronouncement that you will never have romantic or sexual interest in me and it’s a putdown and I’m not going to put up with it.”

Improve Your Reputation Online

Luke Ford writes: Most people I know whine when they don’t like what a Google search reveals about them.

Then they either do nothing or they make stupid threats.

That’s for losers.

If you don’t like what the internet says about you, then flood it with positive messages. Tell your story. Promote your company. Reveal your vision. Give something to the world.

If a top Google search result for your name reveals something bad, then flood the net with good stuff.

You don’t need me to do this for you. You can blog. You can post videos and podcasts. You can make profiles on various social networking sites and tell the world about yourself instead of letting others define you. You can give the world original quality content with your name on it and you can promote yourself and your values.

And you can hire me to help you.

Luke Ford 264 S. La Cienega Blvd. #1417 BH, CA 90211 Fax: 310-388-0814 E-mail: lukeisback@gmail.com

Where Was The Looting In Japan?

Luke Ford writes: Chaim Amalek emails: We are forever being told that

1. everyone is the same and
2. our diversity is our strength.
So if certain Americans rioted/looted in the wake of Katrina in New Orleans and others of their kinsmen looted in the wake of quakes in Haiti, then surely even worse must be taking place in ethnically pure Japan, and on an epic scale. But the media refuse to cover that part of the story.

Is America The Land Of Opportunity?

Luke Ford writes: On my morning walk, I passed an angry black man rooting around in a trash can.

“It’s a lie!” he yelled out at me as I tried to read the New York Times on my Blackberry. “It’s a lie that the United States is the land of opportunity. They say the United States is better for the African man than Africa. It’s a lie. African men have been unemployed for 100 years!”

In my experience, hispanics who root around in trash cans tend to keep quiet about their work while many black men in trash cans seem rather perturbed about their situation and are eager to share their views on political economy.

Feel Like A Million Dollars

Luke Ford writes: I’m listening to this Lifelong Success program by Igor Ledochowski.

I can’t believe I’ve listened to lecture number six on self-esteem three times!

Normally I can’t be bothered to listen to anything on self-esteem. I loathe the topic. I can’t stand talk about self-love.

But Igor Ledochowski got through to me when he made the point that when you feel solid in an area of your life, nothing people can say to you in that area can hurt you. You’re solid. You’re impervious to people putting you down in that area. You just feel sorry for people who try to shake your confidence in that area.

If you’re at peace with yourself in a part of your life, you can’t be bothered by the comments of others. This has nothing to do with being perfect, it is all about being at peace with yourself.

Monday, July 25, 2011

I Suck The Life Out Of Women

Luke Ford writes: Something got seriously warped in my relationship with the opposite sex very early in my life.

On the night of my first birthday, my mother got very sick. She was soon diagnosed with cancer and over the next three years, she wasted away.

On April 24, 1970, two days after her 40th birthday and a month before my fourth birthday, she squeezed my dad’s hand and said, “Thank you for a lovely life.” Then she drifted into a coma and died.

The normal way that kids learn to relate to their parents, particularly their opposite sex parent, I don’t think that happened for me and I’ve been pretty twisted ever since.

As a kid, I liked to poke girls with sticks and announce to the world the color of their knickers.

My Bipolar Depression, Dysthmia, Grandiosity

Luke Ford writes: In the final weeks of the longest live-in relationship of my life (three months in Orlando during the summer of 1993), my partner pushed me to try the drug recommendation of her psychiatrist Daniel Golwyn — nardil aka phenelzine — to help me out of my bedridden Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

According to Wikipedia: “Phenelzine is used primarily in the treatment of major depressive disorder (MDD). Patients with depressive symptomology characterized as “atypical”, “nonendogenous”, and/or “neurotic”, have been reported to respond particularly well to phenelzine.^[1] The medication has also been found to be useful in patients who do not respond favorably to first and second-line treatments for depression, or are said to be “treatment-resistant”.^[2] In addition to being a recognized treatment for major depressive disorder, phenelzine has been found in studies to be effective in treatingdysthymia,^[3] bipolar depression (BD),^[4] panic disorder (PD),^[5] social anxiety disorder (SAD),^[6]bulimia,^[7] and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).^[8]”

I did go on Nardil and within hours I started feeling better. During the last three months of 1993, I moved out from my dissolving relationship and gained 30 pounds, moving to 160 on my 6′ frame.

On Super Bowl weekend 1994, I met my hero Dennis Prager in person for the first time. He said that if I ever lived in LA, he might have work for me.

I moved to LA in March. The job fell through when Dennis and his assistants quickly saw there was something wrong with me, something off, something broken, something discordant with ethical monotheism.

Intimacy Vs. Eroticized Rage

Luke Ford writes: After he described his love life, his therapist asked, “Have you heard of the term eroticized rage?”

“No,” he said, “but that rings true. I had a girlfriend, Holly, who said to me, ‘Take out all your rage at women on me in bed.’”

Therapist: “The term relates to sexual intercourse but also how about you treat women. How you get them into bed. How you manipulate. It doesn’t have to be a reaction to the mother figure but it most often is. Men who are sexually compulsive, use women and throw them away, often felt squashed by their mothers. They felt powerless.”

He went home and Googled the term and found this:

In 1975, Robert Stoller described perversion as the “erotic form of hatred.” At the core, he observed sexual behavior that breaks the rules.

How Do Chabad Guys Marry Models?

Luke Ford writes: Most of the Chabad guys I know, at least two dozen, have smoking hot wives. What’s up with that? I know of no other sect of Judaism where the wives are so consistently hot. How does this happen?

I don’t have a clue.

One thought I have is that Chabadniks tend to be happy. Maybe that is as much a result of having a hot wife as a cause?

I’m willing to go Lubavitch if I can land a hot wife. I don’t have an allegiance to any particular brand of Orthodoxy. I’m persuadable.

I Love Ease, Poise, Grace, Energy

Luke Ford writes: When do I feel at ease? When I have a harmonious head, neck, back relationship. When my neck is free so that my head can release forward and up and my back can lengthen to widen, then I feel poised. I have a long spine and my head is balanced on top. If my head leans too far forward or back or to the side to the extent that this feels normal and balanced to me, then I have a problem.

I feel at ease when I am not over-striding, when my feet fall under me when I walk, and my head is leading my body into length, my head is leading my movement, all of my movement starts with my head, and my knees are going forwards at all points in my stride, then I’m likely to generate upward thrust throughout my torso and I’m just flowing up as I move rather than collapsing down.

Each emotion is only possible with a certain alignment of the musculature. Ease, anger, fright, contempt etc all correspond to and require a certain alignment of the body. No such alignment, no such emotion.

I Run From My Emotions

Luke Ford writes: I tend to run away from my emotions. I don’t want to locate them in my body and I don’t want to name them and I don’t want to accept the message they’re sending me. I prefer to distract myself from them and to imagine that I’m great and that one day the world will recognize this.

When I was a little boy, people said I looked like a Holocaust survivor. My eyes were sunk in my skull. I was withdrawn and sullen and reluctant to engage.

When I was about five, my dad came across me flinging manure at other kids and screaming, “I hate you. I hate you.”

I guess I was pretty in touch with my emotions that rare time.

My father had reason to be concerned. This was no behavior for a Christian. Where did such hate come from? The Devil?

I was raised a Seventh-Day Adventist. That’s a form of Protestantism.

Economist Thomas Sowell Has Released A New Book

Luke Ford writes: Here's the new book on Amazon.com.

Dr. Tom Sowell was on Dennis Prager's radio show today.

Dennis: "Are we headed towards Greece [style bankruptcy]?"

Tom: "Yes."

"The debt ceiling has not limited debt. It provides political cover for presidents to engage in runaway spending."

"The plan that appeals to me the most is that suggested by Moodys. Get rid of the debt ceiling."

Dennis: "If you had two minutes to speak to the American people, what would you say?"

Tom: "Move to Australia. The Australians have better immigration control than we do."

Dennis: "So we couldn't get in."

Tom: "I'm quite pessimistic [about the debt ceiling fight]."

Anything Wrong With A Girl Going For Drinks With A Married Guy?

Luke Ford writes: Men and women who spend a lot of time alone together (or just having private conversations on Facebook or at a bar or a restaurant) are likely to cross the line from just being friends to more.

Therefore, in my view it is a bad idea generally for someone to go for drinks or lunch with a married member of the opposite sex or simply to engage in frequent private conversations with the person.

(I can see many exceptions to my principle. If you are doing a business deal and some socializing is required, OK. If you guys have been friends for a long time, I see nothing wrong with occasionally getting together for drinks or a meal or a FB chat, but it is dangerous to a marriage. The more private time you spend with an attractive member of the opposite sex, the more you endanger your marriage.)

I was asked by a 20-something single female friend about if there was anything wrong with her taking up a married guy’s offer to have drinks.

Michelle Bachman's Migraines

Luke Ford writes: I read this news report yesterday and thought, “She’s toast.”

I don’t get how someone can be routinely incapacitated by stress and serve as president of the United States.

Perhaps she just needs Alexander Technique lessons?

On his radio show today, Dennis Prager said: “Michelle Bachman is the latest person to drive the liberal news media nuts. The latest is that she migraine headaches. John F. Kennedy had a back condition and took pills for that.

“Migraine headaches? And therefore what? Therefore she’s incapacitated from being president?

“Then they have an ABC reporter running at the bus on which Michelle Bachman is located and some of her aides manhandled him… It’s astonishing to me that that is what he was running at the bus to ask her. ‘Do you have migraine headaches?’ Anybody who watches ABC News gets a migraine. Sometimes you have to treat these people with the humorous contempt they deserve.”

Do You Spend Too Much Time On Facebook?

Luke Ford writes: If so, I don’t think the solution for most people is to shut down their Facebook accounts.

I think the important thing is to go deeper.

Spending too much time on Facebook is just a symptom. For me, it is a symptom of a clumsy attempt to connect while keeping people at arm’s length.

Why are you chatting on Facebook instead of interacting with people in the real world?

I’m often too tired to go out and socialize but I don’t want to stay home alone. So I keep my Facebook open and check in when I want to connect a little bit to recharge my batteries.

I’m also susceptible to wasting time (whether on Facebook or elsewhere) if I am not passionate about my goals. It’s not just that goals need to be specific and measurable and the other characteristics of action goals. It is more important that they be deep. If I have the action goal of buying a Jaguar, that’s OK, but what am I really after in buying a Jaguar? Do I want to feel like an important person? Do I want to impress the world so I am treated better? Well, these latter matters are the true goal and we’d be better served by going after these true goals than fixating on action goals.

The Effect Of Pre-Marital Sex

Luke Ford writes: Almost all of the callers said they abstained from pre-marital sex and that it was good for their marriage.

They all sounded religious. They all sounded programmed by their religion.

I’ve never heard of secular people in the modern world abstaining from pre-marital sex. I think you have to buy into a belief in God and in the divinity and eternality of the Bible to be able to wait until marriage for sex (unless there’s something wrong with you).

I’ve never heard of a sex life getting better. I’ve never heard of a couple struggling with their sex life and then it gets better.

In my experience, if sex sucks at the beginning of the relationship, it never gets better.

Dennis Prager advocates waiting for marriage before you have sexual intercourse.

Dennis said he’s heard from several women that they had wished they had known prior to marriage that their husband was asexual, that he was using religion as an excuse to avoid sex before marriage.

How To Take Care Of Your Man

Luke Ford writes: On his radio show today, Dennis Prager had relationships expert Alison Armstrong on for an hour.

Alison: “I was talking to a woman yesterday who had been married for a year. I heard from remarks her husband made that they had started to struggle with sex. That is not good. He’s a young man. I told her, he’s a young man. If you married an old man, you wouldn’t have to take care of him so often. There are certain responsibilities that come with a young man, basically you have to take care of him every day. An old man, every three days.

“She’s like, ‘It’s just so hard to get myself to want to these days.’

“I told her, ‘Forget about wanting to. Sex is the most efficient way to take care of your provider.’

“Women think that they can do other things that will add up to what sex provides. Like, if I cook for you enough, if I acknowledge you enough, if I cuddle you enough, if I give you enough affection and respect, if I take care of the house and the children, it could add up to what sex provides, but nothing adds up to what sex provides. Nothing will replace his wife desiring him.”

“It fills up so many tanks. When he gets connected to her through sex, he gets connected to the whole world.”

The Sabbath Can Be Painful

Luke Ford writes: I find Sabbaths and holidays painful. They remind me of what’s missing from my life — connection.

During the week, I can distract myself with many endeavors so that I never have to look in the mirror and see my life for what it is — a lonely slog. But on Sabbaths and holidays, life slows down. There’s not much to do. There are no electronic distractions.

When I am feeling good about myself, it is easy for me to put myself out there and to meet people and to connect. When I feel like a loser, I withdraw.

All around me, people are celebrating Passover with their families. But I have created no family. I’m alone. So I latch on to other families but that can bring its own awkwardness. I’m a hanger-on. Or I can go to a community seder at shul with other people who don’t have families, but many of the people there are really weird. As weird as I am. It’s so painful to see them and to realize that they are reflecting back to me my place in the social pecking order.

I don’t want to believe that I am less than, that I have failed at the fundamental task of life — creating a family.

Jewish Vs. Christian Views On Suffering

Luke Ford writes: From page 134: “Rand believed that suffering was anything but noble and had no redeeming value. Paterson casually but firmly disagreed. She thought that suffering could be instructive, particularly for writers.”

Why did Paterson think suffering was noble and Rand think it was not? Because Rand was Jewish and Paterson was Christian. The Jewish perspective is that this world is the focus and therefore suffering stinks and should be minimized. Christianity holds that the next world is more important than this world and that suffering ennobles. Christ suffered on the cross and we must suffer too.

Christianity is at core a romantic religion while Judaism at its core is unromantic.

Rand believed, “Who but a religious mystic would argue that suffering had an upside?”

From page 172: “Rand held faith of any kind to be inconsistent with rationality; she particularly despised Christianity, with its insistence on suffering.”

Are There More Acceptable/Less Acceptable Topics For Writing?

Luke Ford writes: I go through my life offending people. It’s a talent I inherited from my father.

I wonder how I’d do with an MFA program in writing? I wonder how much there is an “This is acceptable, but that isn’t” mentality? I wonder how much there is such a mentality in book publishing? I know that George Gilder couldn’t find a mainstream publisher for his great book Sexual Suicide. Most of the major publishing houses are heavily influenced by feminism.

If someone says to a highly paid public speaker after his talk, “That offends me,” the odds are ten to one that the complainer is a woman.

I struggle to not be emotionally blackmailed by other people invoking the “I’m offended” shtick. Feeling offended is a feeling and that is between you and your therapist. I don’t want to bend to it.

I will sometimes bend to it in a classroom or a workspace or in a living arrangement or some deal where we’re stuck together on a regular basis and I don’t want your aggravation.

Reporters Get Laid Off Every Day

Luke Ford writes: KTTV news reporter John Schwada blogs on Facebook that so few people have spoken up about his firing: “But really what disturbs me most is the silence from my union, AFTRA, and from the journalism academy. When a veteran reporter for no good journalistic reason is dismissed, where are their independent voices? Some of these folks are even protected by tenure? Their silence is particularly disappointing.”

I don’t know John Schwada’s work because I rarely watch local TV news. I hear he is a great reporter but TV is inherently shallow and I don’t watch much of it.

What gets me about John’s Facebook post is how universal it is. We are all disappointed when people don’t care about us. When they don’t speak up for us. When they don’t take our side.

However, as a great economic professor of mine (Russell Roberts) once said at UCLA, “Other people don’t think about you as much as you do.”

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Broken Arrow, I Was Trying Too Hard

Luke Ford writes: Assignment: Write about a big lesson you’ve learned in life. Give the person you became an Indian name and give the lesson an Indian name.

Person I became: Broken Arrow
Lesson: Trying Too Hard

I fear that I did something wrong that precipitated my descent into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). I fear I made some bad choices in early 1988 and they led me out of normal health into chronic illness.

I was taking 22 units at Sierra Community College that Spring semester of 1988. I also worked a gardening job for about 20 hours a week.

The previous semester, I’d completed 21 units with straight As for the first time in my life.

I’d been accepted into UCLA as a pre-Economics major.

On the surface, everything seemed great. I was going from success to success. I had $25,000 in the bank from working construction. I could do 120 pull-ups and 1400 push-ups in an hour. I might’ve been stronger than any time previous.

We Train People How To Treat Us

Luke Ford writes: I’ve often wondered why certain people abuse me. It never occurred to me that I trained them to treat me like that.

Less often, I’ve wondered why I abuse certain people.

For instance, I’ve had loving faithful girlfriends who let me treat them badly. Some of them said they were OK with me sleeping around on them, even though they didn’t like it. I think they had fathers who screwed around and so they accepted it.

Over the course of my life, I’ve basically treated people according to the rules they set with me. Those who’ve let me abuse them, I’ve abused (not physically, I’ve never hit anyone).

I’ve had certain girlfriends I felt completely comfortable passing gas in front of them. I’ve often lived in small confined spaces and the vegetarian diet naturally tends towards smelly farts. So I’d just set off a wave of gas attacks — if I felt like it — until the air became foul.

Of course they protested, but they let me get away with it.

Sometimes I'm Introverted, Sometimes Extroverted

Luke Ford writes: Sexual norms are universal. Every community has sexual norms. If you deviate dramatically and publicly from those norms, that will usually overtake every other identity you have.

If you were convicted of getting oral from a 15-year old girl, people will think of you as a child molester. If you made one sexually charged movie and then everything else was as benign as Disney, you’ll be widely known as a pornographer. You could blog about 20 different topics, but if one of them is the p*** industry, then that is how you’ll be known.

We only have a small amount of space in our heads for 99% of people in our lives. We give them one primary identity. They’re either a teacher or a mother or a clergyman or a sports fan.

I was thinking this morning that I wanted to ask my friend, “Do I look like I write on the p*** industry?”

No, I Don’t Write About That Industry Anymore

Luke Ford writes: Everywhere I go, when I run into people I’ve known for years, they often ask me, “So what are you doing these days? Are you still writing on the same things?”

And I usually answer, “Yeah, I’m still writing mainly about Jewish stuff.”

Most of my writing since 2001 has been on Jewish themes.

But that’s never what they mean. They always want to check to see if I am still blogging about the p*** industry.

I haven’t written about the p*** industry since October of 2007, but I understand I am best known for the reporting I did there.

It reminds me of the old joke. You could build a big bridge and people wouldn’t think of you as Joe the Bridge Builder. But if you suck one little c***, you’re suddenly that c***sucker.

Sexual norms are universal. Every community has sexual norms. If you deviate dramatically and publicly from those norms, that will usually overtake every other identity you have.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

How Did I Get In This Position?

Luke Ford writes: All the air went out of my tires tonight when I realized…

This happens to me over and over again. I have to believe I have a backstop so that I can go out and do what I want.

Then eventually I find out that no backstop is forever and this forces me to grow up a little bit.

One of my backstops over the past 14 years has been my guest house. Now this is gone. I have to move into the world and make my way.

I felt so deflated when I got the news Tuesday evening that I’d need to move out in June. I was just down for the count. I wanted to cry.

That’s how I normally react to bad news — I curl into a ball and long for mommy to hold me.

Wednesday morning after a cold shower, I was ready to tackle my situation.

I Want To Connect To My Deepest Purpose

Luke Ford writes: I want to make it big. I want to be huge. I want to feel full of purpose and passion. I want to get up every morning eager to tackle the day. I want to see the path ahead and I want to feel confident that I can navigate the way. As long as I have the why, I can figure out the how.

I generally connect to my deepest purpose through God. He helps me feel passionate. If I feel like I am doing God’s will, then I feel full and strong and driven. I like it when I’m doing mitzvahs (divine commandments) and I believe they come from God and that by doing them, I am developing myself in a good direction and I am a blessing to those around me.

Connecting with those around me, that’s probably more important to my happiness than connecting with God. It’s too easy to think you’re connecting to God when you just go off and do your own thing. Connecting to a concrete community of people is more challenging but more rewarding and more Jewish.

Writing Is My Thing Cosa Nostra

Luke Ford writes: Is writing a pleasure? Sometimes, just like davening, but “pleasure” is not the primary word I’d use to describe my process. Rather, I’d say that writing is my thing. The Mafia have their thing. “Cosa Nostra” means “Our Thing.” I have my thing, my swagger, my reason for being.

I walk around the world and I twirl my fingers and I smile about what I can do with a keyboard. Kinda like Rudolf Schenker with a guitar.

Is my writing a weapon or a coping mechanism? Do I want to shake people up? Do I want to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable?

Yes.

I’m not black and I don’t have a 12-foot spear. White men don’t call me sir. I can’t run 40 miles at a go and I’ll never be a Zulu prince. But on the internet, nobody has to know that. I can climb Mount Kilimanjaro and sing Jerusalem:

And did those feet in ancient time.
Walk upon England’s mountains green:
And was the holy Lamb of God,
On England’s pleasant pastures seen!

Women Want Strong Men

Luke Ford writes: I’ve met many enchanting women who were simply too strong for me. I couldn’t keep up with them. I think all healthy women want a man who’s stronger than her — stronger physically, psychologically, financially.

Dennis Prager says that what women want most is a man they can admire and that what a man wants most is to be admired by his woman.

One sign of strength is the ability to stand on your own two feet. A woman who doesn’t constantly demand your attention and approval is strong. A woman with a successful career or demanding interests is strong. She may be committed to her religion or to her charity work or to her family. These are good signs, unless she’s consistently putting them before you.

The Benefits Of Alexander Technique

Luke Ford writes: I am just realizing how much stronger I am today than when I started my Alexander Technique teacher training program in January 2009.

When I started the program, which lasts for three hours every day (36 weeks a year), I had great doubts about my ability to do it. Just the thought of the 20-minute commute each way scared me. I would have to be operating at a high level while driving my car or I would get into trouble.

So the first few weeks of the program, I took an energy drink (Five Hour Energy) almost every morning to pep me up.

I Suffer From Oneitis

Luke Ford writes: When I meet a great girl, I tend to moon about her for weeks and months. This mooning, this fantasizing, this attaching of magical qualities to her does not generally endear me to the object of my desire and just hastens her rejection and my subsequent depression.

When I attain the object of my desire, what then? I feel deliriously happy. I float for weeks, even months. Then I come back to earth and realize the work ahead.

Levi Aron - Lebi Kletzky Murder

Luke Ford writes:

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. This week we study Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42).

A Lot Of Girls Want To Live In My World

Luke Ford writes:

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. This week we study Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42).

Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42) X

Luke Ford writes:

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. This week we study Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42).

* This week's Torah portion is concerned with vows. It doesn't like people making vows. The Torah enforces all sorts of restrictions about vows. The Torah lets men feel in charge because they have 24 hours to revoke a wife or daughter's vow. I think this is more about a man feeling in charge of his domain than actually giving men power. It is similar to the Torah's approach to slavery -- evolutionary not revolutionary. The Torah makes slavery difficult. It makes it difficult to annul the vows of his wife and daughter, giving him but 24 hours.

* Do modern men need to man up and take charge of their households? I was raised to believe that the man has the final vote in the home. He's the one in charge because he is more rational and less ruled by his emotions. I had this modern atheist Jewish girlfriend who said to me, "You are so afraid to set limits on me, but when you do, I'm just a meek little lamb."

Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42) IX VIII

Luke Ford writes:

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. This week we study Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42).

Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42) VIII

Luke Ford writes:

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. This week we study Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42).

Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42) VII

Luke Ford writes:

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. This week we study Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42).

Friday, July 22, 2011

Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42) VI

Luke Ford writes:

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. This week we study Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42).

Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42) V

Luke Ford writes:

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. This week we study Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42).

Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42) IV

Luke Ford writes:

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. This week we study Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42).

Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42) II

Luke Ford writes:

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. This week we study Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42).

Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42)

Luke Ford writes:

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. This week we study Parashat Mattot (Numbers 30:2-32:42).

My Type Of Women - Smart, Funny, Demure

Luke Ford writes: The connection is usually swift. The women who turn me on are fast thinkers and fast speakers. They tend to be decisive, strong, formidable. Erudite. Capable.

Our repartee is snappy because they love to laugh.

I don’t have to explain to them when I’m being sarcastic. I rarely have to justify myself. I don’t have to hide large parts of myself. I don’t have to worry about offending them with my un-PC observations on life.

I like women who are clean and organized. I don’t like my women fat and sloppy and lazy.

I love women who read social cues. I hate having to explain things to my date. Women should be smarter than me in interpersonal stuff.

I like women who work out and keep themselves in great shape. Sure, I may be a bit sloppy, but I like women who are taut.

Yeah, I may be 44, but I like ‘em younger than me.

I’ve Never Dated An Orthodox Girl

Luke Ford writes: My therapist names things I’m going through such as erotic rage and fear of abandonment. Then I can Google and understand more deeply what ails me. It’s comforting to know that I am not alone. It feels good that my problems are not unique. It makes me feel less ashamed. That there’s not something congenitally wrong with me. I do bad things at times but I am not inherently bad. I don’t have to hide who I am because it is just so darn awful.

I’ve never dated an Orthodox girl. That’s not my choice. That’s their choice.

I don’t think they’re frigid. The longer the skirt, the quicker it comes off.

Sure, there might be old, fat or dumb Orthodox broads who would date me but nobody primo. I want primo.

Orthodox women are in a position to know me best. They’re more likely to know people who know me well. They know the mores of Orthodox Jews and they’re more likely to be appalled by how flagrantly I’ve violated them.

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. This week we study Parashat Pinchas (Numbers 25:10-30:1).

Gershwin's Rhapsody In Blue Makes Me Feel Alive

Luke Ford writes: When I hear the music, I don’t feel abandoned. Instead, I feel like my life is full and rich and exciting. I have so many plans and projects. I want to step into my cold shower, go for my 30-minute walk listening to Laura Hillenbrand‘s latest book on CD, perhaps bounce up and down for a minute and break into a run for a block or two, then prepare my delicious orange smoothie with Metamucil and sip it while I read the news online and finally launch into my day.

I’m ready to tackle the most difficult subjects. Perhaps I’ll just free write in my journal. Then I might listen back to my last therapy session and then launch into some blog posts. I’ll keep the really embarrassing ones on private for now, perhaps publish edited versions later.

This is great. I’m not thinking about sex. I haven’t had any in more than a year and that’s fine.

Casino Jack - The Jack Abramoff Movie

Luke Ford writes: I enjoyed this new film about disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff. It reminded me of myself.

Like Jack, I converted to Orthodox Judaism (he was born Jewish but came to Orthodoxy later in life) but simultaneously yearned to be a big shot in the wider world. Like Jack, I got high from success and became lost in my own grandiosity, countenancing behaviors and beliefs contrary to my religion.

Like Jack, I’m pretty shaky on ethics. I often feel like I’m above the law. In fact, crossing boundaries can be exciting. “The rules don’t apply to you,” a friend once said to me bitterly.

Like Jack, I don’t think anything he did is so terrible. He exploited Indian tribes? Only to the extent that they allowed themselves to be exploited. If I went up to you and asked you to pay me $30 million to lobby on your behalf, and you paid me, then you’d be a damn fool and I’d have a lot of chutzpah.

I Fear Life Is Passing Me By

Luke Ford writes: As I was blogging away tonight with my thoughts on the movie Casino Jack, I got a text asking: “Are you at the BINA event?”

I didn’t even know there was a BINA event tonight. I love BINA events. Everything they do is first class and they attract a lot of hotties.

So I sit in front of my computer listening to John Denver sing “Annie’s Song” and I ask you again — is life passing me by? Life is at the BINA events celebrating Yom Ha’atzmaut (Israeli Independence Day). Truth be told, I did nothing this year to celebrate Yom Ha’atzmaut.

I start my days with cold showers and brisk 30-minute walks followed by three hours of Alexander Technique. If I have anything left after that, it’s a bonus.

When Our Beliefs Are Just Muscle Tension

Luke Ford writes: I heard something hard to swallow from an Alexander Technique teacher — that all of our beliefs are just unnecessary muscle tension, and that when we let go of that unnecessary tension, we let go of our beliefs.

I’ve always had strong beliefs — beliefs that frequently changed but were firmly held at the time and inflicted on others.

I grew up an Australian Seventh-Day Adventist preacher’s kid in love with the civilizing mission of the English-speaking world (in particular the examples of liberty set by England and the United States).

In college, I flirted with Marxism for a couple of years and then converted to Judaism — a return to the best of my values from my childhood.

So now my life is Alexander Technique and the more I study it, the more easily I hold myself neutral in the sturm and drang of life.

I Love My CPAP Machine

Luke Ford writes: More than anything, I think my CPAP machine has dramatically improved my life over the past three months.

A doctor prescribed it to me to help with my sleep apnea (which I only discovered at the end of 2010).

I’m not conscious of getting more hours of sleep. I estimate I get about five hours a night (even though I am typically in bed for nine).

I just know that I wake up feeling better. I used to wake up a lot with a headache from oxygen deprivation. That doesn’t happen any more, even when I have a lousy night’s sleep.

I get up, I take my cold shower, and I go for my 30-minute walk and I’m ready to bench press my day.

I View Myself As A Fearless Truth-Teller

Luke Ford writes: Yet I have all the same feelings as a normal human being.

When I am writing, I am using all of my senses. I am the receptive to everything the universe sends me.

When I read my work publicly, or when I publish it, I strap on my armor to steel myself to the reactions. I keep telling myself, “I don’t care what they think.”

I don’t buy it when people say, “I don’t care what other people think.” I’ve never met anyone of whom it was true and I am glad. Such a person would be a psychopath.

People often get the impression from me that I don’t care what other people think. That is not true. I care intensely what other people think. If you prick me, do I not need bleed? If you rub my tummy, do I not stand tall?

Thursday, July 21, 2011

What Do You Notice?

Luke Ford writes: Despite this problem of mine and despite my continued reluctance to engage with the question, I’ve made at least average progress through my lessons.

(A friend told me the other day, “I don’t think I’ve known any student who’s had as many doubters as you’ve had.” That’s because I was so unaware of my body when I started and had a helluva time following my Alexander directions. I appeared sunk in my hips, collapsed in my back, down in my trunk, and lost in bad habits of use.)

So perhaps it is not so important to be able to answer this question? I’ve made great progress while still engaging it reluctantly and haltingly. Perhaps the kinesthetic experience of working under the hands and verbal instructions of a good Alexander teacher are enough to guide one to good use? If so, then others can learn the same way.

I discuss the weekly Torah portion with Rabbi Rabbs every Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam and on YouTube. Facebook Fan Page. This week we study Parashat Pinchas (Numbers 25:10-30:1).