Thursday, July 28, 2011

Dumb Things I Tell Myself

Luke Ford writes: I went through feelings of frustration, anger and despair today/this week/year/decade as I struggle to belatedly take care of things I should’ve tackled decades ago. Much of this work (psycho-therapy, Alexander Technique, addressing my sleep problems, financial issues) is not immediately rewarding.

Most of the things I’ve been battling of late are not getting solved. The turbinate reduction surgery I had a few months ago? Well, the problem I had breathing through my nose while lying down has returned full force.

I’ve ordered a CPAP but my doctor won’t give me a prescription until I undergo more testing.

I was just so frustrated, angry and helpless this afternoon as I ran into these technical recording problems and I knew it wasn’t the technical problems that enraged me but rather my life position. I feel like I am running in circles and getting no closer to leaving my hole. I would’ve wailed and cried if that had done any good, but instead I did ten minutes of active rest and labored on.

Then I took a break after a few hours and wrote in my journal. I find it calming to write out my thoughts and fears. I get to see my self-talk and how silly much of it is. Then I write out things I am grateful for and this makes me happy.

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